THAT came out of me?

I was wondering how to tribute my dear Norah, who has turned nine today.

When we awoke this morning, the first thing I said to her was, of course "Happy Birthday Honey!" Her reply:

"Mom, it's not my birthday until 8:11" (I had told her this last night. Turns out, I don't exactly remember the time. Her weight was 8lb 11oz AND she was born on the 11th. I can't believe I don't really remember what time... I could look it up, but it's all the way over there)

"That's your birth moment, sweetie. I stand by my 'Happy Birthday'"

[exasperated sigh] "alright. Thanks mom"

Then we got ready, carefully watching the clock so we could announce to the rest of the family the exact moment she left the octanades behind her (yes, I made up that one too. It means "turns nine").

Tonight as I was pondering how to document this auspicious occasion, I came upon Nen's new meme. (I swear she just sits there dreaming up new ways to make me nuts because she knows I can't resist)

1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED?

Yes. Agonizingly planned. Was really not all that long (10 months) in the grand scheme, but it was a little frustrating. Turned out we were doing it wrong. By "it" of course I mean the WHEN, not the HOW (We HAD six years practice! See below) Bought a decent book, figured out some of the logistics & blam-o. Right away.

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME?

Yes. Had been for six years. Isn't everyone? Long enough that my 2nd mom took me out for lunch:

Her: "That fortune-teller in Thailand? The one who told you when you were 10 that you wouldn't have any children? He was full of crap. To be specific, he told me I was having a boy" (my sister turns 30 in June...) "So I just wanted to let you know in case you had subconsciously decided not to have kids because of that"

Me: "fortune-teller?"

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS?

Oh, I had reactions. BIG reactions.

4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU?

Would kind of have defeated the purpose of all the planning & the six years of practice (yes, I said six - shut up. Six is a relative term.)

5. HOW OLD WERE YOU?

Thirty. Just under the wire. I had planned on having my first before I was thirty, but then stretched my definition to "getting pregnant before I wasn't thirty any more" - Check...

6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT?

Well, with all the planning, & practicing & temperature taking & doctor appointments, & reading, other that the excitement of being pregnant, the finding out is a pretty dull story. The others were *far* more interesting ("I didn't drink THAT much. I shouldn't have thrown up THAT easily". True story.)

7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST?

Other than Max (who was holding the stick whilst I peed on it - how's that for TMI? OK, he wasn't. Or was he?) I decided to tell my long-distance mom first, since she wouldn't be part of the whole pregnancy thing. Which, as it turns out was probably better for her. I'm pretty sure some people have actually left the province because of me during my pregnancies.

I sent her a "Grandma Kit" of knitting needles, a muffin tins and a muffin recipe entitled "Grandma's Blueberry Muffins".

8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX?

Bleh. These are boring. Here's a better story:

When we went out to my in-laws to tell them. My father-in-law (who, believe it or not seems to have more of a problem with the filters than I) said "How did this happen?" My response, without stopping and taking a moment to consider said response:

"Would you like me to draw you a picture?" (I still can't believe I said that). I got to use it again a few years later on a colleague who, upon seeing me for the first time said something similar. That time I DID consider my response, but stuck with it (it was a better crowd)

9. DUE DATE?

10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS?

I became really sick of mornings, yes. Funny. That seems to have stuck.

11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE?

Sleep. People to stop pissing me off.

12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST?

Being awake. Lying down. Standing up. Sitting. Working. Relaxing.

13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX?

I believe we had done it in the hall of our apartment, but I may have misread the question.

14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING?

No. I was happy with traditional. "Opposite" would not have been as likely to yield us the baby we were trying to conceive. At least according to all the information I had at hand.

15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY?

None of your fucking business! Oops... filters. I will say that with each pregnancy, I've lost more than I gained. One of the reasons Max won't let me have any more kids. According to the weight parameters, one more kid and *I'LL* be in a booster seat.

16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER?

No, we bathed her in the tub. She still doesn't like showers.

17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW?

Well, I usually had to plan to give her a bath. She was a little too young to spring it on me. Mind you, mix in barfing & pooping incidents & we had to do some unplanned baths.

18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY?

The only real complication was me. To everyone else.

19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH?

Hospital.

20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR?

Too fucking many.

21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL?

Max. Do people actually care about this?

22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH?

Nobody watched. Either you're here to help or get the hell out of my room.

23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION?

I think some prude wrote this quiz & is too squeamish to say "vaginal". There is nothing "natural" about, as Bill Cosby would say, pulling a watermelon through your nose (I think BC said that)

24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN?

I started out with the whole "women have been doing this for thousands of years" schtick, but after 20 hours, I whimpered into the call button: "wan epidrl!"

The doctor stood around after it was administered to make sure it took. When I removed my teeth from his arm and started happily chatting with him about my work he said "and we're good!" Then Max had the most glorious nap of his life but I don't think I could sleep.

27. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH?

There's a funny story. My long-distance family (i.e. didn't see me throughout, but knew of family trends) did a baby pool (date / sex / weight). All their guesses were a nice snug bell curve (non-mathies: VERY CLOSE TOGETHER NUMBERS). My coworkers (those who saw me every day) did one and most of the guesses were around 5-7 pounds. The doctors actually seemed quite alarmed to pull out Gigantron. Before they even weighed her, they said "whoa!" She was 8lb 11oz. OK, so not funny "ha ha".

28. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN?

Today. Nine years ago. That is if I get this post out in the next four minutes. Screw it, I'll back-post the time.

30. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER?

I tried "You expect me to take this home & be responsible for it forever?" But it didn't fit on the form.

31. HOW OLD IS YOUR FIRST BORN TODAY?

Nine. And 15 hours. And 47 minutes... and counting.

Tonight as I tucked her in, I whispered "Happy Birthday, my special nine-year-old". She whispered back: "Thank you, my special 40-year-old"