Saturday, May 30, 2009

Unorganized Thoughts on a Block Party

We had a block party on our street yesterday. It was a wonderful thing in that is was not so much DISorganized as it was just NOT organized.

That may sound on the surface like a criticism - which given that I did *absolutely* nothing to make it happen would be not only completely unwarranted and even rude, but would legitimately earn me the title of "That Neighbour" (you know the one) - but it is most certainly not. One neighbour had to go around with a petition getting support to close the street; one had to arrange the closing of the street c/w city councillor support (= funding the $250 permit - thank you councillor!) to do it; one ran around putting notices in mailboxes. Easy peasy. Even I could do it (y'know, if I wasn't such a lazy tool). Message? "Bring a lawnchair & a snack to share."

There was a couple of tables set up that ended up being full of watermelon, pineapple, a zillion bags of chips; wagon wheels & several kinds of homemade cookies. One genius super-mom (the "my-hero" mom on the block that is always doing cool stuff with her kids - and sometimes mine!) pulled out a kids' picnic table and had cookie decorating and playdough (not sure which I got when Pepper gave me a "specially decorated cookie" the playdough and sprinkles happened to be the same colour). Kids were occupied when they got bored of biking / rollerblading / scootering down the car-free street (which they didn't seem to!)

We just sat & visited. Hung out, if you will. No one tried to make it *perfect*. People just don't get too many low-key, high-Q moments any more.

My big contribution turned out to be the moment I said "hey, we need music" and pulled out the iPod and sound dock.

There's something kind of unexpectedly unnerving about bringing out your own music selection. I hadn't really considered that in all the various conversations I had had with my (wonderful) neighbours over the years, there is always a part of yourself that you hold back. I said "screw it" and set up the sound dock.

I announced "I play all kinds of music for my kids and have explained to them that there are plenty of songs with bad words in them and ideas/expressions that they will not necessarily understand and they know they are not to repeat things that are swears and that they don't understand the meaning of. If any song needs to be skipped, let me know and I'll skip it."

No one did. The only song *I* skipped over was "I see you baby" by Groove Armada, as it has a very prevalent "Shakin' that ass" line repeated. That one has taken a very focussed effort on our part - including threats of losing things - to ensure our children don't chant it. I thought I wouldn't put everyone else through that.

The only time I thought it was maybe too loud and tried to turn it down, I got yelled at to not touch it. So, success.

My favourite work-nerd moment was when the kids pulled up the crack-sealant in the road and were using it as a giant, tar skipping rope.

Me: "Dammit kids! You've compromised the integrity of the pavement surface! Now water will infiltrate to the substructure and undermine the supportive granular base layer. Accelerated deterioration is the natural consequence" [crickets]

Neighbour Kathy (aside): "Dude, leave work at work."

Me: "Also, your hands are all black from playing with tar"

Neighbour Kathy: "eww"

I wrote this earlier today but was not happy with how it all tied together. I just opened it up and decided "If I just add the words 'Unorganized Thoughts on a' in front of the title, it will all make sense!" *genius*!! So I'd better post it before my "yesterdays" don't make sense any more.

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Thursday, May 28, 2009

Welcome to the (30) Rock I Live Under

I started a post about how miserably frustrated I am and how it seems to be affecting many aspects of my life. I started it well, all day yesterday and today - it was a running dialog in my head. But then I went & bought some shoes AND was walking around soccer thinking "hey, I have a job that is currently frustrating - but I *have* a job and I do quite enjoy it; my parenting failures are mostly to do with my otherwise-induced frustrations - but I *have* a family & that's what I always wanted; My outside interests are going under-fulfilled, but they are *interesting* interests and I can work on them."

In other words, I told myself: Suck It Up Princess. And then decided to go with lighter fare:

For most of my pop-culture laden life, during times of conversation when the following topics came up, I had to navigate carefully under the radar, so as not to blow my cover that I have not partaken in That Which Everyone Knows. Here are but a few:

1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Apparently there's a movie coming out now. But did you know that before the TV show there was [gasp] a movie?! Crazy, eh? AND it was a good movie. It had great lines in it like "I didn't even break a nail!"; "Excuse much?"; "rude or anything"; and my favourite: Paul Ruebens' death scene (ooo sorry, spoiler. Your own fault for putting everything into a knock-off w/o checking out the original!) "hhhhehhh....... hhhhehhhh...... hhhhhhhhhhhhehhhhh!" Also? Donald Sutherland? and Luke Perry? Give your head a shake. The Old-school was a thing of beauty. Wait. This is about what I *haven't* seen. I haven't touched the TV series.

2. Slapshot - We don't tend to get excited about too much up here in mellow-down Canada. One of the things we do is Gun Control. That clear, I'm kind of afraid to admit this, since I'm pretty sure there's a law on the books that says in spite of gun-controls, you can be shot for not seeing this.

3. Caddyshack - I'm also kind of sure that not seeing a Bill Murray movie can get you at least knee-capped here.

4. Titanic - I can comfortably say will N.E.V.E.R., under my own steam, watch this movie (notwithstanding being trapped on a transatlantic flight where the alternative is a chatty halotosian - even then, depends what they're talking about). It's not even the principle, as I would watch any of these other items.

5. Rocky Horror Picture Show - Just never happened.

6. J&K+8 - what.ever.

7. Survivor - OK, one episode - enough to not bother going back. I can't stand the drama.

8. Pretty much any reality TV show. I *have* a reality, I don't want someone else's thrust at me. Except Elimidate. That was awesome. They were so indignant!

9. The Office - Regrettably, from what I understand.

10. Star Wars Episodes I, II & III - and yes, I call myself a Star Wars fan. Also, I will be in a cold, cold grave before I call I, II & III the "first" [shudder] movies.

11. Harry Potter anything

12. Any season of Idol, past the schadenfreude rounds

13. Lost

14. 24

15. Star Trek TNG movies (seen all the others) - also regrettably.

16. Bourne franchise - I'd still like to see these for some reason.

17. American Pie franchise - one time? at band camp? I suggested to Max that we should see these this movie so as to understand the pop culture references. He said "you already know it". Maybe not, but it was a compelling enough argument to not bother.

BONUS: Shows that I'm pretty sure I've seen all episodes of because at various times they were syndicated at 10:00 - exactly when I needed a half hour shut-down period:

M*A*S*H; Night Court; Cheers; The Simpsons (well up until several years ago, then I gave up); Law & Order (though, I have to say that I saw the bulk of them when I was on my first mat leave and it was on - somewhere on the dial - four different episodes a day)

Your Turn: What does The World think you should have seen that you either (a) haven't bothered or (b) would rather jab a pen in your own eye than partake in?

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Monday, May 25, 2009

Cookies From Heaven - a Photo Essay

"There's going to be a surprise arriving Monday" I said on Friday.

"What? What is it?"

"I can't tell you. It's a surprise"

I was entirely non-committal about what the surprise was. Not even an animal/vegetable/mineral hint.

They were climbing the walls all weekend. They pretended they weren't. But every few hours or so, one of them would bring it up, in hopes of catching me off guard and getting more info. But I held my ground.

Even last night: "So, is it in the morning, or when we're at school?"

"When you're at school. It will probably be here when you get home, but you can't touch until *I* get home"

"Oh. So what is it?"

"I can't tell you. It's a surprise"

So when I got home, I was just through the door and I swear, it was less than 30 seconds before I snapped this picture. I barely had the chance to see that there WAS a box before they descended upon it like vultures. Keep in mind they still don't know what's INSIDE it!

They were ready with scissors.

Here, Pepper holds up what she figures is the next best thing to bubble wrap. When she bursts it with a satisfied grin, I yelled "NO!!! That's New Jersey air!" She was unfazed, but Max swooped in and took a deep breath, so as not to waste it.

This was completely lost on her, but I thought it was funny.
Inside was a care package sent by AndreAnna.

She made me cookies, and X-Press delivered them.


Isn't that the pinnacle of everything that is good and just about the world?

It's a tough cookie-critiquing crowd. And these ladies know their way around a cookie. But after careful contemplation they produced a review best captured on -erm- film?

[Aside: Also? Those t-shirts they're wearing? Schwag in exchange for using our children as slave labour to clean up the school yard. Some line about "helping the earth"]

How can you not love someone who puts this look on The Boy's face? Seriously.

"Mother's Little Helper" (Not that these cookies needed any help. But a glass of wine just helps. Period.)

Now, I'd love to offer some more intelligent review of AndreAnna's cookies, but this isn't a food blog and in reality, we were too busy cramming our faces to provide anything better than "mwff. vees aw awfom." But that was a pretty consistent sentiment.
I was lucky to have the camera handy too:

Catch it quick...

...before they're all gone...
...and you're forced to scramble for crumbs.

[They're not entirely gone, as I saw Norah whisk her final allocation away to a Ziploc bag to pop into her lunch bag for tomorrow. I'd love to hear what she tells her classmates about the Mystical Well-Travelled Cookie]

For the rest of the evening, I caught little random little thoughts popping out:

"Those cookies were awesome"

"It was so nice of your friend to send us cookies"

Thanks again for the lovely treat AndreAnna!

Update: Grrr... I've been trying to remember to include an engaging question, because in those places where I've seen them, I love reading the comments almost as much as the post. But I forget Every. Single. Time.

So: What surprises do you like to get?

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Sunday, May 24, 2009

...Summer...? that you?

Wowzers. You sure took your sweet effin time this year. Assuming this is you, of course.

Max & I were yesterday negotiating the day's chauffeuring duties - two dance classes for "picture day" [which only meant that there was extra fruffing to do just prior, and of course for some reason, having two girls in no way commits a man to know anything about putting in a pony tail. In fact, neither of us know how to do a French braid, but for some reason I am the one who needs to learn how to]

I said that I had a whole bunch of plants to put in the ground, as we received them from the girls' school on May 5th and they weren't doing very well in the dining room. We had lost several already.

He said "you're going to risk it out there?" I said "it's actually the frost day today" (May 23 is the statistical day when you can expect that there will be no more overnights below zero around here). He laughed at me. I responded that while, yes, the "summer" weather might be another bluff, they were probably better off taking their chances "out there" than with me. There was no more discussion on the point.

So yesterday and today were beautiful. I don't know the actual temperature, but I didn't have to wear three coats (fleece jackets, come on). I planned & planted & moved some stuff around. I checked the tags for height & spread (I always plant things way closer to each other than they say to, but I like to know how badly I'm breaking the rules) & dug stuff in. unfortunately, it still looks like a cluster-fuck. But it's another in the long list of things that I love to do and would be very good at if I would bother to focus any energy on them, but I don't so I suck at them but I still enjoy doing them.

So, remember the beach party? Well today we were finally able to take it out doors.

Giving the whined/begged options of:
(a) Super Soakers [I'd probably get wet - I hate getting wet];
(b) Blow up the pool [Hella-effort, minimal payoff. Also, I'd have to stand there the whole time, because of the, y'know, five inches of DEATH sitting there in the yard and all];
(c) Sprinkler [I'd definitely get wet, because I was trying to work there]
I chose (a), because I could make them all (army of neighbour kids involved too) go & have their Epic Battle on someone else's lawn. OUR yard would be the "neutral zone" (for refilling - brilliant, eh?)

My favourite thing I yelled out? "You can't have a water-gun battle and then complain about getting wet!" It wasn't to any of my kids, but it could have been.

And then the requisite sun-bathing afterwards. Please ignore the brown patches in the "lawn". We're working on that. Not very hard, but we're working.

Also? Tulips need Super Soaking. It's a known fact.

[I had a lovely shot of Pepper lounging on her beach blanket. Somewhere in editing this, it got eaten. The replacement is all the way downstairs. By the pose she was striking, it only really shows how much of a handful she will soon become & I don't need any more reminders of that than I already have]

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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The crackiest of the crack

I have been meaning to concoct a list of my favourite places to lurk stalk visit for quite some time now. This Last week several weeks ago, the cosmos collected, combined & conspired to smack me in the head!

Like many, I have a lengthy blog roll. But these are the ones that make me stop and say "ooo! New Post!" Yes, literally. (When I'm at work, I manage to confine it to "ooo!" so as to minimize the firing-potential. Except that of course, I never, ever check anyone's anything from work. 'Cept that new guy in accounting. And not his black, black heart, because as we all know, accountants have black. black hearts).

These are on my iGoogle feed, beside the news, weather, urban word of the day, "cool tools", & "IKEA hacker". As well as several other "self-help" blogs that I routinely ignore [note to self: clean up iGoogle crap]. I don't feel I've done any of them justice in my explanations. They just seem to... resonate. Explore! Enjoy!

Lifecandy - my dealer pusher mentor in all things digi-social or socio-digital (I made them both up, so they are equally correct) Nenette will always take the top spot in any of these dorky lists I make up. That didn't sound right, but I'm leaving it, because she is just generally too hot to be negatively affected by the term "dorky". She gave me an awesomely outrageous Rockin' Blogger Friendship (I added the "rockin'" because she called me rockin' and who am I to argue?) award this week. I would totally spread around & give it - twice - to any of these contenders - including back to her if it were allowed - but I can't figure it out. She would totally show me too if we could get it together to get together. But we both have kids. In soccer (I fukkin hate soccer - there, I said it). And my questions are so stupid immature infantile let's just go with stupid, that they just can't be covered in 140 characters.

Still Life with Wyliekat - I originally thought she meant that as in a painting or photo (like a snap-shot of life). I just recently found out she means it more like "Life Goes On". She said it as she was expounding about getting older... [ppbbbtthhh] I find Wylie very grounding.

If That Ain't Country - Here is why the Cosmos allowed me to drag my ass on my high-five list. I'd like to say that I just discovered her, but [sniff] she actually discovered me. So then I discovered her back. And we've been discovering each other ever since. That sounds way worse than it should.

Diary of a Modern Matriarch - "You like drinking? HEY! I like drinking!" And you love your kids enough to kill for them but are still once in a while surprised you haven't eaten them yet? Me too! But really, her kids make my ovaries hurt.

Planning Queen - "Queen" is really a bit too modest, as it implies mortality. I'd use "goddess", myself. An excellent calm, rational parenting reference, I feel like she is the neighbourhood "together lady" and I am the drunk neighbour that stumbles over and says obnoxious things. Don't believe me? Check out my comments. Seriously, she's got excellent, simple ideas for child & family engagement. One of my favs is the family meeting.

The Bloggess - Was trying to avoid The alpha-bloggers because you know... they're so alpha. There are lots of good writers out there. Bloggers with Highly Developed Senses of Opinion. In the fourteen years since the invention of the internets (for me, anyway. First thing I did? Ego-Google. Except Google wasn't invented yet, so it was called an ego "search" [gasp]) I've seen a lot of stuff that made me laugh. Unfortunately, that has made me jaded. Jenny makes me cry big fat can't-breathe-or-make-intelligent-sounds tears (that's laughing, although it tends to sound more like the furnace seizing).

So The Fish Said - well, we've broken the alpha seal, so what the hay. Another one that has made me develop & repeat the mantra "Three kids is enough. Three kids is what we wanted. Three kids is probably three more than we can handle." She somehow makes NOT being an Uber-mom Uber.

lookin' for a dude... lookin' for a dude... ah! here's some dudes:

Rude Cactus - Another alpha. I guess there's a good reason why they're alpha... I don't want to blow his cover, but I've actually never seen anything rude there, so it's actually been highly disappointing. I do know enough that he'd probably take "blow his cover" and twist it around, so I guess some might consider that a little rude. Maybe it's about expectations.

Marshall - Not alpha, because Marshall is famous in *real life*. But as you know, real life has little relevance in the blogworld. His blog would be much better if he'd stop writing that damned book and work on it a little more (Marshall, if you're reading this, stop reading this and get back to work on that damned book. May 2010? Are you fucking kidding me? yes, I know the draft is "off" - we'll talk later of my issues with not being cc'd on that - but can't you edit, or nag or press-flesh & speed things along a little? Seriously. Stop now & get on that.)

Oops. That's more than five. You people all suck. Stop being so interesting. OKOK I take it back! Keep being interesting! I love you all! You know, in a non-creepy Internet-love kind of way. YES a non-creepy Internet-love IS possible. I just invented it.

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Monday, May 18, 2009

Can you say "ball-peen" with a straight face? I never could

For some strange reason, I can't bring myself to delete this particular bit of mail that ended up caught by my spam filter:

...partly because of the impeccable grammar - so rarely found in good spam these days - and partly because of the fact that I *do* need a new hammer, and you know, what if what they're selling is actually a decent product for failure-free banging? I mean, who wants their banging to fail?

(Or maybe just some of the inputs I'm getting just embed themselves too deep...)

Somewhere out there is a company that has actually figured out how to enlarge penises and it's helpless to reach potential customers

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Friday, May 15, 2009

Hair Redemption - Part III

We all know Einstein's* definition of insanity:

"Repeating the same actions and expecting different results"
Now, I don't want to put my son in the same category as Einstein or anything, but it appears that he (Stewie) considered Mr Einstein's postulation for a moment & concluded: "Pussy"

Here's The Boy's twisted little corollary:

"I think any sane or not sane person can keep trying the same things over and over again. What if I were to reverse the polarity on this issue? Say she's trying the same thing over and over again, and I provide vastly different results each time? Could that make her bat-shit-stupid crazy?

"Hmm...Let's try it and see!"

What's the best time to try? Why, bed-time of course!

Mom: "Let's go brush your teeth"

Stewie: "No"

M [been through this song & dance. Best not to force it]: "OK, well the stool isn't in the bathroom. I think it's in the kitchen. Can you go get it or do you want me to?" [You see - old parenting trick: give choices. PLUS ignore the defiance & proceed - brilliant strategery. I've got three, you know.]

S: "NO" [wait, the change-up is coming]

M: "Ok, I'll get it" [walks to kitchen, reaches for stool]

S: "NOOOOO!!! I want to get it"

M [remaining calm, of course]: "OK! here you go. Grab it."

S [stopping in his tracks]: "NOOOOOOO!!! YOU get it."

M [Reaching for it. Starting to regret teaching him to speak. Also wondering why it's OK to strap them into highchairs, and have them fall asleep, but NOT OK to just strap them into their beds... I've never done this. Just wondered excessively about it.]


And here's where it got nutty (Nope. Not before). Because he took the stool picked it up & stood there demanding that I take it. But wouldn't let me take it. Ten minutes later, I stabbed a pillow with a letter opener.

And this, dear children, is why Mommy drinks. And "highlights" her hair.

*Well, according to net-lore it's his. I have never actually heard (nor sought out) the context in which he may or may not have said that. It makes more sense to me that it was something that Dilbert said, and said that Einstein said and it stuck. But for the purposes of this discussion - and associating my son with Einstein - we'll assume the net-lore nailed it.

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Sunday, May 10, 2009

A Lot of Wining, a Little Dining

We went to the wine festival public tasting (paying extra special attention to spelling) last night. It was awesome.

The Liquor Commission has this wine festival every year. Apparently it's a week long thing. As I recall, they used to try and push all the other events and the public tasting event was just (according to the publicity) just another event that week. They seem to now be acknowledging that their big ticket event is the tasting. Because that's where everyone goes to get their drink on. The rest of it certainly looks intriguing, but I can't afford it. Money or liver-wise.

We went with our dear friends Margo & Brian (we've gone with them in the past, or so I've been told). It started at 7:00 and we were booted out at 10:00 (but so was everyone). I really enjoy the atmosphere there, because it's a mix of people trying to be snooty snoots and slowly failing as they get further and further smashed. So speaking of which, while I can still grasp at the rapidly fading memories, here are some highlights:
  • We make a point of going first to a booth where we have a particular interest to try something that (a) we'll have a hope of remembering what we had and (b) we'll still be able to distinguish the taste of. We landed on Cape Jaffa and were not disappointed (although for some reason I kept wanting to say "Cap-pay Jaffa". It was too early to cite public drunkenness as the cause of that).

  • My super-funny friends thought it would be a lark to dare me to ask the Peter Lehmann rep if she was related to Peter Lehmann. So I did and she was not, but she HAD had dinner with the Lehmanns. At their house. AND here (I asked if it was at HER house and she said no, but it was at a local swanky restaurant). So it was *totally* worth it. And she told us about how the commissioned art for the labels are inspired by each wine it labels (and that the originals are hanging in winery). I then asked if the artist is shipped a cask of the wine for "inspiration" and visualized the artist getting shit-faced drunk to paint them. The works actually look much better than that, so it was time to move on. I would say "Margo, you owe me a buck", but we still owe them for the tickets.

  • Clearly by now, you may note that we as a group are drawn to the Australian reds. But we found a lovely Chilean wine as well called "Eclat". Unfortunately, it was a little later on and I don't recall much else about it. I remember *exactly* what the rep looked like. She was small and wiry and looked like a marathon runner. With *really* short hair. YES it was a wine tasting...

  • Can't all be about the good wine. I wish I could remember the name of the wine that we all concluded tasted like damp basement.

  • The South African wine that we tasted two years ago that then tasted like burnt tires has since upgraded to merely burnt. But unfortunately not a good - say smoky barbecue flavour - burnt. I said it was like licking a barbecue pit after it rained.

  • John the Naval Reservist. He tried to teach us a thing or two about port. The boys were interested in the whole port thing, even threatening to get "into" it (i.e. buy some and drink it), so they were quite into what John the Naval Reservist was saying. Margo and I were quite attentive but I have to say not really paying much attention to what John the Naval Reservist was saying. But we dutifully tried some port (mostly so as not to appear too obvious that we were not paying much attention to what John the Naval Reservist was saying), and pretty much maintained that, yes it was like drinking paint thinner. I will (and did) put out there that I can see how one could acquire a taste for port, and do not outright dismiss the possibility that I could acquire this taste.

  • My friends expressing subtle fear every time they did something awkward: "are you going to blog about this?" Yes, but you'll be in the witless protection program.

  • I saw someone I was *sure* I recognized from somewhere. I assumed it was work-related, so I was a little perturbed that this dude didn't acknowledge me *at all*. Not even a "hey, I know her from somewhere" double take. So several samples into the evening, I approach him & say the usual "hey, you look familiar!" And he said "yeah, you too". A few pleasantries later and I figured out that he works in our local liquor store [blushing]. I blubbered on about how he's kind of like a celebrity IN THAT (hear me out here), he sees a LOT of people and couldn't hope to recognize all of them, but each person would tend to recognize him. He had obviously been sampling as much as I had and only heard the celebrity part. So Max and I are sure to get *excellent* service on our next visit. I took it as a positive sign that we only look familiar to our local liquor store dude and that he doesn't know our names, booze preferences by season and our kids' birthdays.

  • Walking across downtown on a Saturday night (brilliant) to go for nachos at a restaurant that we'd been kicked out of years ago for complaining that they switched tequilas on us (they totally had). We didn't order tequila this time.

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Thursday, May 7, 2009

Flipping... a coin

Hmm... write an intelligent, mind-blowing, articulate, insightful, life-changing, world changing [back it up, Harmzie] piece about, well, anything...


Finish Flipping Out? [Go. Get it. Chapters has it. I checked on line. Then I went INTO the store and saw them ON the shelf. Polo Park location,at least. No I don't have a problem. Shut up, I don't.]

Has THIS post changed your life?

Ya. I guess you've got your answer.

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Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Breaking the "F" barrier

I dropped an F-bomb in an email today at work.

I've definitely cursed there before, but despite being in the construction industry, and despite that I work with what I'm pretty sure can at times be a bunch of drunken sailors (metaphorically speaking of course. Only one, who retired recently, actually sails and though I've seen him pretty drunk... but as usual, I digress) swearing is unstatedly verboten. I always get a little I-can't-believe-you-just-said-that quickie glance when it pops out verbally.

So today after screwing up a meeting notice for the third time (and after a pile of crap-on-crap - some work, some Pepper losing her backpack and running crying to the Principal's office because she had no lunch, and a new office staff-type person who hadn't been jaded by dozens of stupid kids losing their backpacks & still gives a crap about the kids [sniff! new favourite at the office!] calling me because she couldn't get a hold of Max because he does try to have a life AND THEN me scrambling to try & track down something for Pepper to eat for lunch, but as usual, I digress...) I replied: "Fuck!" when my dear coworker replied to my meeting notice saying "we're meeting on Mothers' Day?"

He called: "Wow! Stressed much?"

"No," I said "that's how I relieve stress. We're good!"

So the fact that Max won't let me curse in front of the kids starts to explain why my kids do such a number on me...

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Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Spring has sproinged... all over me.

Remember this?

Well now it looks like this:

... and it's awesome to have the whole neighbourhood of kids out playing and enjoying the new found "summer" (I still use the term loosely).

However, I have determined that in order to get *anything* on the long list of moving-from-winter-to-summer outdoor tasks done, I have to take the most beautiful day available and (a) lock the kids in the house; (b) rot what's left of their impressionable little minds with TV/Wii/DVDs/; (c) go outside & enjoy the unbridled productivity; (d) go back inside and drink away the guilt of engaging in a, b, & c.

It's a good system. Stop by & see my yard some day!

I might be drunk. But the yard will be nice.

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I Hate Soccer

Actually, I hate all sports. And not for any other reason than I just don't get them.

But I sit here in a rapidly cooling field (thankfully with a wireless laptop. Have I ever mentioned that I love the wireless laptop? Have I ever mentioned how much? Never mind, I'll spare you) I am highly encouraged by the intensity and energy and extreme sportsmanship of these kids. The parents are actually pretty cool so far too. [That might just be wishful thinking on my part, as I have been named the RL or Ref's Liason for this game. I'm supposed to get thing under control should a parent start "throwing chairs onto the field" - coach's words. I said "what if it's me?" He didn't have an answer. Note to self: Don't throw chairs on the field.]

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