Friday, May 15, 2009

Hair Redemption - Part III

We all know Einstein's* definition of insanity:

"Repeating the same actions and expecting different results"
Now, I don't want to put my son in the same category as Einstein or anything, but it appears that he (Stewie) considered Mr Einstein's postulation for a moment & concluded: "Pussy"

Here's The Boy's twisted little corollary:

"I think any sane or not sane person can keep trying the same things over and over again. What if I were to reverse the polarity on this issue? Say she's trying the same thing over and over again, and I provide vastly different results each time? Could that make her bat-shit-stupid crazy?

"Hmm...Let's try it and see!"

What's the best time to try? Why, bed-time of course!

Mom: "Let's go brush your teeth"

Stewie: "No"

M [been through this song & dance. Best not to force it]: "OK, well the stool isn't in the bathroom. I think it's in the kitchen. Can you go get it or do you want me to?" [You see - old parenting trick: give choices. PLUS ignore the defiance & proceed - brilliant strategery. I've got three, you know.]

S: "NO" [wait, the change-up is coming]

M: "Ok, I'll get it" [walks to kitchen, reaches for stool]

S: "NOOOOO!!! I want to get it"

M [remaining calm, of course]: "OK! here you go. Grab it."

S [stopping in his tracks]: "NOOOOOOO!!! YOU get it."

M [Reaching for it. Starting to regret teaching him to speak. Also wondering why it's OK to strap them into highchairs, and have them fall asleep, but NOT OK to just strap them into their beds... I've never done this. Just wondered excessively about it.]


And here's where it got nutty (Nope. Not before). Because he took the stool picked it up & stood there demanding that I take it. But wouldn't let me take it. Ten minutes later, I stabbed a pillow with a letter opener.

And this, dear children, is why Mommy drinks. And "highlights" her hair.

*Well, according to net-lore it's his. I have never actually heard (nor sought out) the context in which he may or may not have said that. It makes more sense to me that it was something that Dilbert said, and said that Einstein said and it stuck. But for the purposes of this discussion - and associating my son with Einstein - we'll assume the net-lore nailed it.

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  1. You actually made me laugh out loud with this one! He sounds like so much fun!

    "stab a pillow with a letter opener"


  2. I'm having one of those mornings. "Go get dressed" "NO!" ACK!!!!!!!!!!! where did you put that letter opener?

  3. At first I wasn't going to comment because I'm like: I don't have kids. I can't relate. But then I re-read and I realized the my animals sometimes makes me want to stab a pillow with a letter opener. Especially my billy goat. And so do real-life people - not all of them children. In fact, most of them not children. And I have to *highlight* my hair too. And I realized we are bonded in so many ways to that I needed to leave a comment. Cheers girlfriend!

  4. I'm just here to comment.... :P

  5. whats this highlighting hair talk? doesn't anyone go Gray gracefully anymore? I just call the gray highlights

  6. Little kids just have to learn how to assert themselves and exert what little power they have... to drive their parents bananas!

    I remember a similar situation with our then 1-year old girl late at night when she said she had to go to the bathroom. I helped her out of bed to the toilet, got the stool, etc. she did what she came to do, and then refused to get off. I guess she figured that as long as she was there, she wasn't in bed, and she didn't want to be in bed. OK, no problem, I was prepared to let her sit there as long as she wanted --- and then as she dozed off and started to fall asleep I'd catch her thinking I'd carry her back to bed. But no, she perked up and insisted she had to sit there some more... I forget how it ended, but she's not there any more so I suppose I got her off the potty somehow. Maybe I bribed her with wine or something...

  7. Love it!

    You know, for a while, I only got all stabby with Roomie.
    The little kids have been great, just short of Children of the Corn great. Or maybe my brain's just blocked out the horror.

    Now, as with rougeneck, I've got a cat to get me all stabby too.

  8. Three children, hey? Say, what was the definition of insanity, again?