Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Out of Water

I was born at a very young age in a galaxy far, far away – not a Ford Galaxie, that's probably where I was conceived (did you see what I did there? Ford actually made the Galaxie, and they existed at the time of my conception. That's called "research".) Actually, it wasn't all that long ago, and it was less than a mile from where I sit right now (crap, it's more like 5 km. What is that in dog years? I'm tired of research). I've lived here about 99% of my life (sunovabich, you're going to make me calculate this, aren't you? K: 3/41=7% of my life *not* living here. I'll take this opportunity to say "look waaaay up. What does that banner say?")*

Alright, so you'd think I belong here. But some of the typical conduct of my fellow citizens leaves me flummoxed. Here are but a few of the things that highlight how I may not belong here.


  • Don't vacate the city for the lake every summer. Yes, I need a second whole household to maintain and manage, because clearly I have too much time & money
  • Hate the Guess Who. As in, *hate*. Can't stress this enough. It may or may not be that I've manufactured this entire post in order to be able to state that.
  • Don't hate Toronto. More indifferent. And pity. They *so* want to be a world city. Not going to happen. This is Canada. That would be grandstanding.
  • Didn't swoon over IKEA's announcement to open here (disclosure: already own everything, which makes me a good, cheap Winnipegonian; disclosure #2: I'll be there - with my paycheque in hand – the day they open; disclosure #3: I may have emailed them about it back in the day)
  • Don't hijack any discussion of Neil Young with "he's from Winnipeg, you know". He left. I'm over it.
  • Know where my turn signal lever is and know how to use it. And do. But not for hours at a time.
  • Can use an acceleration lane.
  • Don't make monthly shopping trips to Grand Forks (disclosure: Girls' GFF Weekend. Not my choice destination, but hey, I can spend money. And hey, it's my GFFs!)
  • Don't pine for the Jets and hyperventilate when the league utters the word "expansion". They're gone. Get over it. In fact the only *possible* way to get them back is to let them go, move on and grow as a community until we earn them on our own merit. And for the love of Christmas, don't fucking call them "The Jets" if that miraculously happens. How about: The Wholesalers? Eh? Eh? Nice ring to it.

I've got about 15 or 200 more ways that I don't or haven't fit in to the various groups and communities I am either forced to, or really want to be a part of. What of you?

*And, ok further: a goodly chunk was spent just outside the city – some might call it "the country" – but really, our community was here, as it sure as hell wasn't out there. I have a long history of not fitting in. Also: damn right I double count that time as time toward my God-given right ability to call myself a country-girl. It probably landed me a husband, so I can't let it go now.

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  1. you seem abit bitter about your stay in the country ... sniff....

  2. in a broader, country-wide sense of going against the herd:

    i absolutely loathe - to the point of slamming my hand against the OFF button on the radio - RUSH. geddy lee's voice is like nails on a chalkboard to my ears. especially that *fucking* tom sawyer song.

    i am not impressed with toronto either. calling yourself T-Dot does not make you cool, assholes.

    same thing with you, vancouver. V-Dot is not only un-original, but i am tempted to shorten it to V-D.

    you know who are cool? newfies. why? because they are so uncomplicated and they have that awesome accent. i love talking to newfies. they are very colorful.

    i am also a lot disgusted with the 2010 olympics hype. it's a giant waste of money trying to clean up vancouver because it'll always have crackheads and crime. the bums are getting the bums rush again and being kicked out of the downtown east side, but they'll be back. so why not spend some of these bazillion dollars on some social programs and low cost housing instead of shipping them out of Dodge?

  3. Michelle - was more referring to my folks at the time (they grew into it *quite* a lot more with my younger sisters). And even then, mostly the pre-highschool years (though including jr high). I failed to distinguish the difference between not fitting in, and disliking it. Maybe I'll try a different time to go after that angle!

    Stone - Hey, hey, hey! Not trying to pick regional wars here! I guess I should have left it at "don't hate Toronto", because that's true. Our local media seems to think that everyone does, and I don't know why. Rush? I have documented my disdain here (April 7/09, in case that link doesn't show up)

  4. As a Canadian, I'm supposed to like Anne Murray, but I loathe her with the fire of a thousand suns.

    I live in Toronto, but being displaced from my original home, I hate more or less everything about it, but nothing more than the sports fans, who think they know more than everyone about everything.

    (Also, just for the record, the T-Dot thing originates from people calling it T.O. - short for Toronto, Ontario - and it got abbreviated to T.)

  5. Excellent list, my dear.

    I too am an excellent driver. Now. But I think I only improved after living in other places where my crappy-driving-ness was glaringly evident. "Wow, Winnipeggers ARE crappy drivers," I says to me. I've learned. I'm much better now.

    I too don't pine over the loss of The Jets. I agree that we need to earn them again, and they need to find another name. "The Jets" makes me think of fat football players now.

    I kinda fear the coming of IKEA. But ROOMIE fears it more as I too will be showing up at the opening... with *his* paycheque. :)

  6. I don't like slurpees.

    (runs for cover)

  7. All right, a blog post that expresses some opinions that can generate some controversy!

    1. You don't have your own cottage, but admit it, who doesn't love to be invited to someone else's lakeside

    2. There's no law that says you have to like the Guess Who. There's no accounting for taste, you don't even have to be consistent in what music you like or dislike.
    Even if you're completely wrongheaded in hating them. :-)

    How are you on BTO?

    Do you have any appreciation for the success they hit at their peak?

    4. What's wrong with Winnipegger? Winnipegonian doesn't sound right.

    5. Neil Young has lived in America much longer than he ever lived in Winnipeg... but he still sings about Winnipeg and Canada, you know. I saw him at the old Winnipeg Arena when his career was in a bit of a trough (on the "Neil's got rocks in his head, we'd better see him now in case he never plays again) and he was pretty good. And pretty funny. He said something then that has stuck with me (and can be applied in a multitude of applications if you take a metaphysical approach to it). Some kids in front were calling for old songs when he was playing ones from his current album, and he stopped and said "You know, even those old songs were once new songs".

    There, that's my Neil story #1.

    6. What kind of person would make a monthly shopping trip to Grand Forks? Isn't that a lot like going to Selkirk for the shopping? I mean, it may be a nice place and a change of scene, but it's a smaller center and even more in the middle of nowhere than Winnipeg!

    7. The Jets were always a disappointment but even if your children disappoint you, you'll still love them, right? The way they were moved from the city and the NHL's determination to keep new teams out of Canada are also disappointing, but a new team isn't going to make it all better unless that new team has a good season once in a while. And doesn't set the actual record for futility in pro sports, going 30 games in a row without winning. Not that anyone remembers these sorts of details...

    So how are you on the Weakerthans?
    Crash Test Dummies?
    Chantal Kreviazuk?
    Older Winnipeg bands - Streetheart, Harlequin, QCK?
    Rocki Rolletti (pre- or post- Strange Spaghetti)

    Exit the warrior, today's Tom Sawyer gets high on you and the space he invades he gets by on you....

  8. Hanging off he east end of he Country, I don't know 1/2 of what youa re talking about. The second house to maintain thing is big in teh east too, it's like a either a symbol of getting somewhere or accomplishing something. I'm leaving that part to my family members while I show up and hammer a few nails and drink a few drinks.
    I think I need to google (dot)ca a lot of this stuff. really I'm lost! ok just talked to the Hubbie Jets are hockey.

    I think you fit in there better then I fit here. For some reason my brain is still stuck in other places I've lived.

  9. I'm with you on many of these points... except for the Guess Who. I like them.

    To go with the acceleration lane - I'm one of the few people who will change lanes to let people merging into traffic, well, merge. Can't stand the onramp by my place to route 90. Existing traffic hugs the right lane. Everyone merging on wants to do it at 10k/h. Gah!

    Albert, how about Pegan?

  10. @ Myrtle re: Pegan - sure thing, but you go first!
    Try referring to yourself as a Pegan a few times in public, or call other people Pegans, and see what kind of treatment you get! :-) A heck of a lot worse than when you say "Jupiter Preservium", I'll bet!

    @ Wyliekat re Slurpees, I live in a city that has a grand total of 6 7-11's, and 3 of them are so bad I won't even go into them to buy a Slurpee. 2 of them are OK but the Slurpees are not quite right, and I don't know where the 6th one is, it must be on the other side of town or something. Actually google only finds 5, so the newspaper that said there are 6 must be wrong.

    So I've been frequenting the nearest one (far enough away that I can't justify a car trip just for a Slurpee, so I only drop in when it's en route somewhere) to satisfy the Slurpee habit every once in a while... and today I learned that 7-11 is closing all of their stores in town! No more Slurpees, except when I visit Winnipeg! I'm going to have to learn to like a grown-up drink like absinthe or Jagermeister or something...

    A few years ago my eldest daughter asked if she could have a Slurpee and I had said "when you're older", and she kept asking until she pinned me down to "when you're 10". She turned 10 last week so on the weekend I took her to get her first Slurpee - she got to make her own swamp mix, enjoy the brain freeze, lord it over her younger siblings... and now, pow! I'm going to have to tell her that it's all over. Such a hard lesson to learn at such a tender age...

    But to be honest, the best slurpee I ever had was a strawberry one at Disney Studios in Florida --- perfect consistency of the slush, along with extra carbonation in the frozen drink... a real treat on a stinking hot day.