Monday, November 17, 2008

Reasons I think child-rearing should be bonus points on your resume

My employer, quite a while back, adopted a series of "competencies". There are several that are Core, which means that all employees must exhibit these. I really wish I could list them, but I, uh, don't remember what they are... (One of the many reasons I will not discuss my employment - another being that it's just plain stupid. I like to think I'm not just plain stupid).

Specific jobs or classifications require specific additional competencies, and as I recall "composure" shows up in many of the higher-pressure, more exposed job functions. I guess some people believe that it's not a good idea to tell your customer to shove it up their bung-hole (I happen to be one of those, but I'm sure there are those who might disagree). I think it's in mine, but I'm not worried, because I certainly have it! (Shut up. I do. You have no idea how composed I am.)

Anyway, I'd like to provide some examples of how I maintain composure, should my employer ever go this far to track me down and find out what I'm doing "out there". I did not, have never and would never write this or any other post at work (I might think about it a little. Sorry).

Exhibit A:

I need to preface this with the fact that Norah sleeps in the bedroom downstairs by herself. Myself and Max are in one room and Pepper & Stewie are in the other upstairs. It is the "half" part of a one-and-a-half storey house, so the room sizes are OK, but there is a very cramped "hall", about, oh I don't know, 10 feet long, between the two. Neither upstairs room has a door. They never did & we never really got around to putting them in (seven years running!)

Not too long ago, Pepper announced that both rooms should have doors put on them. We have opted to believe that it is because she wants to conduct her evil plots in secret, and is bluffing by trying to appear fair to us. For this and for no other reason. She has seen and heard nothing. Nothing at all...

So this evening, Pepper took me up to the hallway when I got home from work and very seriously and proudly showed me the new sign she posted outside her & her brother's bedroom. It reads (starting from the bottom, l to r, continuing up and sort of over toward the left):

"Knock please. I might be changing or reading or sleeping, so knock."

The sign has several, very detailed depictions of what she's referring to:

... the changing (note the depiction of no door, and someone peering around the corner):

... the reading (the sleeping can be seen in the whole sign above):

She was quick to point out that it was a representation of what she wanted and that none of the details were meant to be accurate:

  • she does not have the style of blanket indicated
  • they does not have a table and chair in their room
  • she does not own the book "I {heart} cats"
  • she does not have plain white underpants ("unless, of course you were to take my Sponge Bob underpants and turn them around backwards")

I took a course a long, long time ago where a trauma counsellor talked about kids drawing pictures from deep within their psyche (he showed some examples - it was really fascinating) when they aren't really equipped to express themselves. I think she might want a door. Or a stripy blanket. But dammit, she just got a new blanket and she told me she loved it!

To summarize: I saw this, heard the explanation, and was able to not fall down the stairs laughing. Not AT her by any means - that's freaking brilliant. Kids are freaking brilliant. Well, mine are ;-) How do you come UP with that? But I was able to continue an intelligent discussion on the subject. Or at least she humoured me into believing we were having an intelligent discussion... She didn't roll her eyes at my dumb, grown-up questions once. She has composure too.

I have more -much more - but HTML is pissing me off tonight and I have run out of (far exceeded, actually) my allotted time.

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1 comment:

  1. Great picture and explanation.
    We get a fair amount of that nuttiness in our house too.

    The best ones (i.e. the most bizarre and disturbing ones) get taken to work and posted for all to see and ponder. I recommend the practice if you need a conversation starter, but if advancement up the corporate ladder is a goal they might be a detriment to that.