Monday, August 24, 2009

Harmzie's Hierarchy of Needs

Air -- Homeostasis -- Coffee -- Water -- Food -- Shelter -- Emotional Well-Being HooHa -- Some other crap that I probably need, but you know, requires effort...

We had another thunderstorm this morning. It has gotten to the point that people don't even complain about the weather any more. And we're Canadian. It's an obligation in our Constitution (except for Quebec, they don't have to complain about the weather because they haven't adopted the constitution because the meaning got lost in translation and they thought it meant that they had to give *control* of the weather over to the Belgians and they traditionally hate the Belgians, so there was some trust issues and we had a rally and stormed Montreal with a giant Canadian flag and I'm not sure how the Belgians factored in, except that they make good waffles, but I've heard Quebeckers hate waffles, so maybe THAT was the problem)

So we had another thunderstorm this morning, and as I was in the shower, the lights flickered and I thought "crap, I haven't made coffee yet". If the power goes off, I can't make it. AT ALL. I comforted myself with the fact that I could get coffee at work. Crappy coffee, but beggars can't be choosers. Unless the power is out everywhere. Well, what about Tim Horton's? IF THE POWER'S OUT EVERYWHERE I CAN'T GET COFFEE ANYWHERE!!! Mofo. I'm hyperventilating in the shower (good for the breathing channels, not so good for the BRAIN)

And then I wished I had put the kettle on (we make one cup at a time, with boiled water from the kettle) *before* getting in to the shower, but I have an irrational fear of house fires, and I can't purposely turn on an appliance that could burst into flames and then get into the shower where I can't hear or smell anything and ignore it for 45 10 minutes. Then I thought that I should have anyway, since the two kids who sleep upstairs were at grandma & grandpa's house for the night, Max had gone to the gym early, and I could easily grab the third kid whose is on the main floor and get out in time. Since I *could* save my kid, I *should* have taken the risk that I would have to run outside naked to make my coffee, I thought. Especially since there's a robe in here. Continue hyperventilating.

So then I started thinking about how they made coffee in the OLDEN DAYS. But then realized that the microwave needed power too... KIDDING! I know that they didn't have microwaves in the olden days. They would have had to have rubbed two cows together. Not having two cows, I started grasping at ideas. Something. Anything. A pot [check]. And a fire. Fire. Candle? Lighter? That would take a long time. So then I figured I could use the propane torch from the garage and boil a pot of water. Having thusly saved the morning (should the power have failed), I was able to calmly complete my shower with a normal rate of breathing, get out and - very quickly - turn on the kettle. I even stopped long enough to put the robe on. [You're welcome, neighbours]

In mostly unrelated news, when I got to work I discovered that everyone was in a panic because there was no coffee. The operation of the entire department was halted as all resources were directed at rectifying the situation. KIDDING AGAIN! Everyone was fine. They just did their work really, really lethargically until the caffeine epi-pens were brought in.

Except me, who had already had my coffee. Swish.

[note to self (and Max if you catch this): We're out of cream. Do not want to repeat tomorrow]

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  1. I get all twitchy if I don't have coffee, but I don't make my own. I suck at it. Most days I go out in the morning - if I have the kids, we go through the DD drive-thru and if I'm alone, I go into WaWa (convenience store of AWESOME) to make my own.

    Yesterday, the weather was so crappy, I couldn't even bear to put underwear on, let alone go outside. By the time Mike got home from a 12-hour shift, I was in the fetal position sucking my thumb, muttering something about Juan Valdez. Needless to say, I had my morning coffee at 8 pm. But BY GOD, I had it.

  2. The bigger question is if Quebeckers think A.L. Van Houte is good coffee, can we really trust them with anything?

  3. I hurt my nose with coffee thanks to your contemplation of fire starting cows.

    I can only bow to your bloggy mastery.

  4. I have an irrational fear of appliances spontaneously combusting too.

  5. if i were to build a hierarchy of needs, it would include "a nap" probably where you've put "coffee". i am more tired than thirsty. yes, it would be: air, homeostasis, a nap, diet pepsi, water, food, shelter, emotional stability (note: emotional balance is not required. i am ok with being closer to the Insane end of the spectrum, just as long as i am stable there and not jumping around from Batshit Crazy to Serene and back to Homicidal).

  6. That's why my caffeine source is diet coke. Even if the power goes out, I can still drink it luke warm!