Don't Poke Mama Bear

You never know how lucky you are... until you know how lucky you are. If you're REALLY lucky, you get to appreciate how lucky you are and not just how lucky you were. You know? No. Okay.

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We get home to a dark, quiet home. The kids are at my folks place. The place it kind of messy. I quickly rearrange some furniture so that the "reclining" chair is in front of the TV and ease him into it. His face suddenly drops even more than it has been in the last day or so.

"I just caught my reflection in the (powered-off) TV". I've been rubbing his head constantly for two days, as it's one of the few things I can do that doesn't hurt, so his hair is standing straight up like a 20 year old punk kid with an unlimited supply of Axe hair gel. It's kinda funny (all he's missing is the horrible white sunglasses), but the massive brace attached to his head, neck & back, and the hideous hospital gown (shirts don't fit very well over the contraption) leave him understandably less than amused.

I look him right in the eyes "It could be a lot worse." He shoots me the fuck-off-with-your-glass-half-full-bullshit look. I shoot him back the who-the-fuck-do-you-think-your-(um)-"talking"-to look (we have a lot of conversations without words - the word "fuck" is in most of them, oddly). "It could be a lot worse." His expression softens a little, and he kind of agrees. Though small, it's a significant concession.

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He took a header from his bike into a tree on a local back trail. He was training hard, so pushing the limits. I remarked that for the number of years he's been doing this, and how hard he pushes himself, it's actually pretty impressive that this was our first Emerg trip. But it was a lulu.

He was riding with a good friend in the health industry - who doesn't mess around - who called paramedics. The paramedics didn't mess around & immobilized him. Strapped him to a board. He was stuck on that board for hours until a doctor "cleared" him. Not messing around. Lots of checks & observations. Can you feel this? Pull that; Push here; Grab my hand. Not messing around. Then an x-ray. Yay! No fractures! Except, you know, the neck area picture is a little fuzzy, but it's probably okay.

What?

"Well, there's nothing showing and I can't say 100% that it's clear, but all his reflexes, & muscle responses & sensations point to nothing being wrong."

"What do we need to do to be 100%?"

"Trauma assessment downtown."

"So?"

"Well, they might not take him.They're often very busy. Auto accidents are a priority."

"HIS HEAD HIT A FUCKING TREE AFTER FLYING OVER HIS FUCKING HANDLEBARS. ASK THE FUCKING QUESTION."

(I might have had an external filter that made that sound a lot nicer coming out.)

"I could try."

"Please." Max was not terribly impressed. He just wanted to go home. To go for further assessment meant back on the board (protocol), and not off until ANOTHER doctor re-clears him, hours later.

"Good News! They'll take him!"

"Excellent. Thank you."

Turns out he has fractured two vertebrae in his neck - C6 & C7. Despite a rather scary-sounding "fragment" within C7, he has (so far) dodged surgery, but will be in a back-neck brace - a CTO (cervical thoracic orthosis) - for four-to-six weeks. Obviously, I'd prefer to have been wrong.

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So we're home. Recovery will be one day at a time. But I'm constantly reminded of the scary fact that an inch one way or the other; a turn of his head or twist of his body in another direction; a few feet per second more (or less?) and things could have been much different. Is that glass-half-full? Positive thinking? Optimistic? If you know me, you'll already know I'm not exactly Pollyanna (I don't even know who that is. She sounds like a tool). I just that can't even begin to process any other of those alternatives (except, you know, LESS pain & suffering on his part), so we'll be content with this one for the time being.

31 Songs

Yet another wonderful meme from Nenette. Perhaps someday I’ll become brave and/or inspired enough to have an original subject. But for now, I like music, so here’s my list. I think you were supposed to discuss a song a day for a month, but that sounds like commitment. Also, I might have added a couple of categories.

day 01 - A song from the first album you ever brought: Video Killed the Radio Star – the Buggles. Before it was MTV’s first song. WAY before. It was on my “Rock 80” K-Tel album. I would have thought I would have hated it by now, but I still like that song. Event better by Radiohead.

day 02 - Your favourite single: I don’t have a favourite single. I waffle between liking current, classic, bad pop, sappy drippy crap and heavy, hard rock. The one consistency is I won’t listen to country. OK, Wish You Were Here – Pink Floyd.

day 03 - Your favourite album track: Secret – Maroon 5. It’s very, um… sensual.

day 04 - A song by the first band/artist you saw live: Lucky Ones – Loverboy. [Sigh] I know. I was 13. Gimme a break.

day 05 - A song from your teens/childhood: Here Comes the Rain Again – Eurythmics. I got up at 3:00 am to watch the “video segment” of the Labour Day telethon put on by the local rock station. They played this video. Then I went back to bed, happy. Didn’t understand a damn thing about it, but it was just so cool to watch a video.

day 06 - A song by your favourite band/artist: 38 Years Old - The Tragically Hip. “See, my sister got raped, so a man got killed”. This could go under the “best lyric” category too.

day 07 - A song that reminds you of a season: Fire & Ice – Pat Benetar. Uh… Winter? Really, just wanted to get a Pat Benetar in here.

day 08 - The song you play the most on your mp3/iTunes/etc.: Technically, it shows up as Gettin’ Over You - David Guetta & Chris Willis, featuring Fergie & LMFAO. But it’s possible that my daughter is tainting my results. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

day 09 - Favourite new release (has to be less than 2 months old): Whatever Doesn’t Kill Me – Finger 11.

day 10 - An awesome driving track: Radar Love – Golden Earring.

day 11 - A song that reminds you of your best mate(s): The Baseball Song - Meatloaf. Some of my besties even know all the words to the play-by-play. Yes, I know it’s Paradise by the Dashboard Light.

day 12 - A song that makes you laugh/smile: In Your Eyes – Peter Gabriel

day 13 - The song that contains your favourite lyrics: Crossfire – Brandon Flowers. “Our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears”. Also: “Lay your body down, lay your body down, lay your body down… next to mine”. OK, that one sounds pretty basic in writing. Sung, it’s really nice.

day 14 - Your favourite acoustic cover/track: Overkill – Colin Hay.

day 15 - A song of an album that has brilliant cover art: Time – Pink Floyd (Dark Side of the Moon). While I still had “student-deco”, that was a staple of my décor.

day 16 - Your favourite TV theme tune: Mad About You. Maybe I just liked the show.

day 17 - A song that reminds you of a holiday: Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel – The Broslofskis with Stan & Eric. South Park. Yuh-huh.

day 18 - A song that makes you think of a family member: White Wedding – Billy Idol. My dad wanted me to play this at my wedding. Yeah, he’s heard it and he knows what it’s about.

day 19 - A song you never get sick of hearing: Crossfire – Brandon Flower.

day 20 - A guilty pleasure song: Take it Off – Ke$ha. This song angered me as it was to the tune of “In the Land of France Where the Ladies Wear No Pants”. And then I started liking it. And then I was ashamed. And then I stopped caring. And then I bought it. And now I’m back to ashamed. Wait! Nope, don’t care.

day 21 - A song you can’t help but sing along to: Lovin’ Touchin’ Squeezin’ - Journey. I don’t even really like that song. Oh, who am I kidding? Just about any song that comes on the radio. Yeah, I’m “that guy”. In the car next to you… And who am I kidding? I love that song.

day 22 - A song that reminds you of your bf/gf/partner/etc: Ain’t No Other Man - Christina Aguilera.

day 23 - A song you play when you want to relax: Into the Mystic – Colin James. I heard this once on the radio when I needed to relax and didn’t know it and it was magical, so I bought it.

day 24 - A song you play before a night out: Wild Flower – the Cult.

day 25 - A song from a band/artist you’ve just ‘discovered’: Crossfire – Brandon Flowers. Okay, so he’s the singer for the Killers, but apparently they wanted to take a break & he didn’t & I love this song. This song might be kind of haunting me. I’d also file this under “A song that nobody seems to get but me”, since I keep playing it for people, and they keep responding “meh”. Morons. All of you.

day 26 - A song off of the last album you brought/last track you downloaded: Paranoid Freak – The Trews (SO glad I bought that after T’Pau, so I don’t have to cop to that).

day 27 - A song no one would expect you to love: The Fear – Lily Allen. The explicit version. Of course.

day 28 - A song you would sing at a karaoke night: not opening this up for debate, lest someone actually hold me to it.

day 29 - A song that makes you sad: Save a Prayer – Duran Duran. But it’s a “good” sad.

day 30 - Best angry song: Harder to Breathe – Maroon 5. “Not fit to fuckin’ tread the ground that I am walking on”. You can’t help but feel better growling that. Of course, depends at whom you are angry, because in the next verse “clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat; hoping somebody, someday will do you like I did” doesn’t apply for me. Usually.

day 31 - Your least favourite song: Pretty much anything by the Guess Who, Or Burton Cummings; Michelle – the Beatles. I know! I’ve never really liked that song. (I prefer My Michelle, by Guns ‘n’ Roses)

day 32 - Best use of bagpipes in a song: It’s a Long Way to the Top if You Wanna Rock ‘n’ Roll - AC/DC. Duh.

day 33 - Your favourite song of all time: Solsbury Hill – Peter Gabriel.

31 Movies

I just wanted to see if I could name 31 movies. And possibly send a ripple through the Internets with a post from this source. (Start small, nice & light. See where it goes!)

This was under the direction of Nenette, who, herself, stole borrowed it. She's the source of my bestest memes.

Day #1: Favourite Movie – The Shawshank Redemption.

Day #2: Least Favourite Movie – The Crush; Crash. Anything David Lynch.

Day #3: Favourite Comedy – The Landlord (Will Farrell). OK, so it's only 2:21 long, a real one: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. "I can't do 'this' (hand gestures to self) and 'that' (hand gestures to kids)" I use that All. The. Time.

Day #4: Favourite Adventure – LOTR. Once you get past the Ghost Pirates, and realize you can just sit and watch Orlando Bloom and Viggo Mortensen for 9 hours, all is well.

Day #5: Favourite Horror – None.

Day #6: Favourite Suspense/Thriller – Toy Story III. Seriously! At the end, I thought I was going to have a stroke.

Day #7: Favourite Animated Movie – Kung Fu Panda. There is no secret ingredient.

Day #8: Favourite Guilty Pleasure – Troy. Except I don't feel guilty. It still counts if I *should* feel guilty, right? right?

Day #9: A Movie You Never Expected to Love – Pulp Fiction; The Dark Knight.

Day #10: Biggest Let-Down – Charlie's Angels. Although, to be fair, I didn't expect much. Yet, still, it disappointed.

Day #11: First Movie You Saw In Theatres – Phantom of the Paradise. I think. There was probably something earlier than that.

Day #12: The Last Movie You Saw in Theatres – Monsters vs. Aliens (I don't get out much)

Day #13: Favourite Documentary – Fight Club.

Day #14: Favourite Satire – Legends of the Fall. There's no other way to watch that movie.

Day #15: A Movie with Your Favourite Actor – Elizabeth – The Golden Age.
Cate & Clive

Day #16: Favourite Movie Based On a Book – Fight Club

Day #17: Favourite Movie with an Actor You Hate – Inception. Can't stand Leo.

Day #18: Movie You Can Watch On Loop – Groundhog Day. Seriously. Also, Shawshank.

Day #19: Favourite Movie Based On a Historical Event – Defiance, Munich.

Day #20: Favourite Movie Based On A Historical Figure – Elizabeth

Day #21: Favourite Musical – Grease. In fact, the only musical I come close to liking.

Day #22: Most Over-Rated Movie – Titanic. And yes, I've yet to see it.

Day #23: Most Under-Rated Movie – Defiance. It was better than Schindler's List, in my opinion.

Day #24: Movie With Best Soundtrack – The Matrix

Day #25: Favourite Black and White Movie – Casablanca

Day #26: Cheesiest Horror Movie – All of them. Any of them.

Day #27: Favourite Oscar-Winning Movie – Gandhi

Day #28: Favourite Made-For-Television Movie – Thorn Birds. Shut up.

Day #29: Favourite Movie Based on a Television Series – Starsky & Hutch

Day #30: Favourite Re-Make – I'd like to see Inception remade with anyone but Leo. Even Carrot Top. Or Emo Phillips.

Day #31: Favourite Sequel – Empire Strikes Back

There it is. It wasn't as hard as I thought! Now show me yours. In the comments or your own link.

Crazy! Search! Terms!

Some blogging people end up with fantastic posts about all the *whacky* search terms used to find their blogs. Things seemingly unrelated, but probably connected somehow by the spaghetti of connections - both hard wired and programmed - that hold this bizarre internet together. We need to explain things, to figure out *what* in my series of characters strung together caused this connection? WHAT? HOW DID YOU GET HERE?

Not me. I'm just glad I wrote this post a while back, or I'd get no hits at all.

I'd like to think that, though I've temporarily derailed their quest(s) for - uh - higher learning through teh internetz, they've gained something. And if one - just one - pauses to think about what they're doing to -- ahahahahahaha!!! oh mercy.... good one Harmzie.

In reality, I get a great thrill out of yelling "HA! SUCKER!" every time I see a hit with that source.

I'm shallow.

I'm good with that.

Do-As-I-Say Parenting

We went out for a family dinner last night. A little reward for the kids taking one for the team for the past couple of weeks: they had to be shipped off early to before-school daycare to accommodate a little blip in our logistics. We negotiated that in early. Plus some books to read in the hour before school for Norah. They drive a hard bargain.

So the conversation turned to swearing. What? We managed to use the fact that we were out at the "Fanciest Restaurant in Town" (the children use the fanciness of restaurant bathrooms as their gauge and this one is off the charts. Food's ok too) to steer us away from the usual burping & farting conversation.

Max: "so what swearing have you heard Mom & Dad say?" Nothing like asking a loaded question.

Norah: "Well, when driving, Mom has said 'bloody hell!'"

Me: "'Bloody'? That's not even a swear!" [phew]

Norah: "and also 'son of a *bleep*'" (she self-sensors, even when singing along to songs on the radio that have the "soft-swears" in them)

Me: "Well, ok. That's probably not the best"

Max and I exchanged some knowing glances indicating disbelief that this would be the worst that they've heard from us. Really, we try hard - Max tries harder than me - but quite regularly the *real* baddies slip out in whisper and somewhat-less-than-whisper form.

So today, Norah & Pepper were folding our hand towels on the couch (it's one of their jobs. Don't go thinking they just cheerily attack this job or anything). Norah mentioned something sticky on the couch and went to get a wet cloth to deal with it (ok, THAT I'm pretty pleased with).

Norah: "Goddammit! It won't come out"

Me: "WHAT WAS THAT?"

"The sticky stuff. It won't come out"

"No, I mean what did you SAY?"

"I'm trying to wipe it, but it won't come out!"

"[sigh] what. did. you. say. before. that?"

silence and wiping.

"Goddammit, it's still not coming out"

"THERE! Do not say that!"

[nonplussed]"ok, how about 'oh my god'?"

"how about 'oh my gosh'?"

"Whatever. I got most of it out anyway."

It's a work in progress.

Peanut Butter

I don't let the kids watch Family Guy (I do have lines)(they may be fuzzy)(and distant)(but they're there) but I showed them this:




... and then the "original" (or some variation):

Both were big hits. But then came the challenge of finding out how many times in a row the phrase can be repeated.

We haven't reached it yet, but I DO have this nice pen hanging out of my ear.

Things that make me happy

I've been in a funk.

Mostly a blogging funk, but when we had to cancel the family road-trip to the west coast (breaking my mom's heart) due to automobile kerfluckedness, THEN suffered a self-imposed home-exile due to abhorrence to dealing with lice or lice-related issues any more than we had to. We did some fun stuff on our holidays, but still, it was no road-trip, and couldn't even be considered a bait-and-switch.

Then there was BlogHer. I didn't go last year, it didn't even occur to me to go (it did occur to me to make fun of it). This year was the same, except it DID occur to me to go. I'd befriended some pretty cool people in February (I mean IRL, they were already befriended) and there were mutterings of several of them going. Plus it was in New York. NEW FREAKING YORK! I don't have a bucket list, but if I did, going to New York would be on it (Chicago? check). I would have loved to see them all again & party in New Yawk. Seeing the photos, and even the videos, made me so sad I was shocked at myself. There isn't necessarily "always next year", as the people I want to see won't necessarily be there.

I decided to battle the crappy feelings by taking Nenette's lead (sure it was a month ago. I told you: blogging funk. I PASSED UP A MEME for crying out loud!) & coming up with some of the simple things that make me happy. I used her criteria: none of the obvious – family, friends, socio-economic status...

The happy list (in progress):

1. Pasta, specifically spaghetti, with butter & salt
2. My Ecco shoes – I've always heard tell of the magic shoe that feels like pillows on your feet. These are them, for me.
3. My bed. I was nearly 40 before I threw a hissy fit and got – no, invested in a real bed. Not going into what we had before, because this is about what makes me happy!
4. Sushi. With my GFs; with Max; with the kids; when Max makes it; with my sister. All are completely different experiences and all make me happy.
5. My sister's expecting. In February. I'm so freaking excited, but it's just not What We Do to be all weepy & squealy (besides, she'd slap me). I'm glad Norah did that when she found out. It was like I was jumping and squealing vicariously through her. She is going to kick my ASS for putting it here. HA! If she ever read it!
6. Taking photographs (with film). Haven't done it (really done it) in a long, long time, but it did make me happy.
7. Minesweeper. Shut up.
8. Washing my face. After some 35 years of fighting with skin products, I was looking up some Major Home Exfoliation Ritual that I think I found through Bionic Beauty and at the end of it they said, "or just use a rough face cloth & hot water" (???) so that is all I do now and it feels sooooo good. Add a touch of light moisturizer, and it sure doesn't hurt the happiness scale that Max says "mmm you smell so good"
9. Elizabeth I
10. Lasagne
11. My parents' cottage lot. It has coexisting promises of a future of family gathering & relaxing solitude at the same time.
12. xkcd
13. Getting @ replies
14. When the clock reads 12:34
15. Seeing hot-air balloon in the sky (haven't seen any this year, wtf?)
16. Painting my toes. Well, ok, my toe-nails. Although with my skill-level, I should just stick to calling it "painting my toes". But whatever, it makes me happy.
17. Getting a pedicure. Thanks to Rougie, I'm going to go by myself on my birthday (unless I get a better offer???)
18. Working in the garden

Wow. Lots of simple stuff makes me happy. What makes YOU happy?

(OMG! I really want some buttery/salty pasta RFN!)